Today, there is a massive amount of health information available. It’s hard to go a single day without hearing influencers, podcasts, or media telling you:
- “eat this”
- “don’t eat that”
- “optimize your morning routine”
- “if you’re not doing this workout, you’re wasting your time”
Of course, education and information can be helpful. But too much information can also leave you feeling overwhelmed and with a long list of things you feel you “should” be doing for your health.
Over time, this can create pressure, guilt, or a sense that you’re constantly falling behind. And perhaps more importantly, it can make it difficult to separate external expectations from what you actually want, need, or realistically have capacity in your life today.
That’s why I use this simple reframing exercise with clients in my coaching practice.
The “Should, Could, Will” exercise is designed to help you move from pressure-driven thinking toward intentional, realistic action that feels aligned with your life and values.
What This Exercise Can Help With
- Identifying areas where guilt or pressure may be shaping your health goals
- Clarifying which changes actually feel meaningful to you
- Building sustainable motivation that feels aligned with your values
- Reducing overwhelm by focusing on meaningful, realistic next steps
Why “Should” Thinking Can be Unhelpful
In psychology, thinking in terms of “should” is referred to as a cognitive distortion – a pattern of thinking that can be negatively biased, rigid, and self-critical. For example:
- “I should work out every day.”
- “I shouldn’t be eating this.”
- “I should be more disciplined with my evening routine.”
- “I should already have this figured out.”
While “should” thoughts are meant to motivate change, they often have the inverse effect. They may lead to increased anxiety, guilt, or lower self-esteem, especially if they feel disconnected from your current reality.
This concept makes the most sense to me when I think about how I feel when someone else tells me I should do something. Even if I know the person has the best intentions in mind, or is ultimately right – I can’t help but feel a little attacked, misunderstood, and defensive.
Think about the last time someone else told you you should do something. How did it make you feel?
I’m thinking about my partner telling me I should do the dishes at night instead of the next morning. Is she right? Yes. Do I care? No. It’s human nature to dislike being told what to do (especially when you didn’t ask).
This same concept holds true when we tell ourselves we should do things. We unintentionally create feelings of pressure, guilt, and respond with resistance.
If we’re approaching behavior change from this foundation, it can feel emotionally heavy and difficult to sustain.
The “Should, Could, Will” Framework
The concept of this exercise is simple.
Should often reflects pressure, obligation, guilt, and external expectations.
Could, in contrast, reflects flexibility, possibility, and choice. It helps you recognized that you have the agency to choose where you invest your time and effort.
Will evokes a sense of intentional commitment.
How to Complete the Exercise
Step 1: Identify “Should” Statements
Think about your health and wellness goals.
Write down as many thoughts as you can that begin with:
- “I should…”
- “I shouldn’t…”
Try not to censor or edit yourself too much during this step.
Step 2: Reframe “Should” into “Could”
Review the statements you wrote and gently reframe them using words like:
- “could”
- “might”
- “would like to”
Feel free to add more statements if new ideas arise.
Step 3: Reflect and Choose One “Will”
Review your “could” statements and reflect on which ones feel most meaningful and realistic for your life right now.
Ask yourself:
- Which of these feels most important to me?
- Why does this matter to me?
- Which feels realistic with my current responsibilities and energy levels?
- Which could be a supportive first step?
- Which feels aligned rather than pressured?
Then write one “I will” statement that represents a small, realistic action you are ready to try.
Examples of Reframing
| Should | Could |
|---|---|
| “I should be working out more.” | “I might like to move my body more.” |
| “I shouldn’t be eating this.” | “I could consider changing my diet.” |
| “I should be getting up early to do my morning routine.” | “I would like to have time in the mornings to do a mindfulness routine.” |
| “I should have changed this already.” | “I could experiment with changing my routine.” |
| “I should go to bed earlier.” | “I might like to go to bed earlier.” |
Reflection Questions
To dive even deeper, consider these reflection questions.
- Which statements feel energizing? Which ones feel draining?
- Which statements seem most relevant to your life today?
- Do you notice and patterns or themes around the “should” statements? Can you identify where these expectations came from?
Download the Printable Worksheet
Prefer a printable version of this exercise? Download the Should, Could, Will PDF here.
Want Support Turning Reflection Into Action?
If this exercise has surfaced areas where you to want to take action, health coaching can help you turn those insights into practical, sustainable steps.
Book a free discovery call to learn more.